Youth Awareness

{December 15, 2011}   Setting Limits for your kids while living abroad. . .

I have seen many families living abroad, facing the issues of kids, as their kids

You should have a friendly relationship with your kids

are over-reacting, and doing everything according to there wish, leaving behind the culture, and moral values we have.  Not many are aware of the steps needs to be taken when you’re setting the limits for your kids (illegal in that environment) without letting them retaliate or be aggressive.

First thing you need to do is, setting up your own standards, and values, you need to be absolutely sure what you wanna do, how much freedom you want your kids should enjoy, and at which point you want to draw the line.

Settings role model is always important when you are going to change anything, specially in case of kids, as they always try to replicate the acts / events happening around them. Be  good & helpful leader / role model for your kids, so that they start liking you, and try to be like you.

Environment is always helpful to change the mindset of any individual. Be it elder ones or kids. So you should prepare an environment that you want your kid to be familiar. Out of 24 hours a day, categories the hours he/she spent at the place and then make it easy for them to get familiar soon.

You should pick the people your kid is going to be interacted with without exposing your intentions. Interact with him/her ask them for their choices, and manage accordingly.

One thing everyone should keep in mind that the environment around the kids, the people interacting with him/her, the material (study/playing/etc) he/she is using, programs they are watching on tv and websites they are visiting on internet, all of the above leave a strong impression on kids, so you need to manage all these things yourself and give the impression that you are giving importance to them and showing interest in their activities, by doing this, his/her behavior won’t be aggressive if you ask them to do something  against their will. They will consider that as an advise.

parents can’t completely protect their children from all negative influences. 1Nor are there any guarantees that children will choose the right path in life. However, there are ways that a parent can help a child develop a strong moral conscience in spite of value differences with the other parent.

As explained above, the starting point in nurturing your child’s conscience is to model morality. It’s not so much what parents tell their children about how to live, but what parents do that makes the most significant impact on them. Be the kind of person you want your children to be. Live a God-centered life — a life of truth, love, and trust in God. And when you fall short of these standards, don’t be too proud to ask your child for forgiveness. Kids often learn more from a parent’s asking for forgiveness than from a parent’s attempts to be “perfect.”

As you try to be a good example for your children, also prepare them to handle future circumstances they may face in the other parent’s home. Acknowledge that these situations are opportunities for growth and building good character. For example help your children see how some secular videos fail to support values such as love, purity, and responsibility. Avoid lecturing them and bad-mouthing the other parent, but patiently help your children think through the issues they will face and the choices they may have to make in the years to come.

Not only is it important to proactively prepare your children for future situations, it is equally important to use teachable moments in everyday life to reinforce appropriate behavior.

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Ordinary moments with your children such as having dinner, doing yard work, or reading a bedtime story can present opportunities to instill the right values in your children.

Setting age-appropriate rules and consequences in your own home will reinforce good values. Explain the reasons behind the rules (based on Quranic/cultural values) and make clear the consequences of wrong behavior. For example, lying should not be overlooked. It should be addressed and appropriate consequences enforced. By experiencing the consequences of his actions, a child realizes he needs to change his behavior or attitude. This ongoing training will continue to instill moral values in his conscience.

Parents should not only point out when children do wrong, but they should also acknowledge and praise children for making right choices. Applauding your child’s positive behavior strengthens a sense of right and wrong and motivates him to continue doing the right thing.

Nurture a healthy relationship with your children by spending time with them and listening to them. Parents who take time to sincerely hear their children give them a sense of value. It tells them they are loved and that their thoughts and feelings are important. Children pick up the values of the people whose love they feel.


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